Confidence is a good emotion. It makes people feel confident to expose their vulnerability, knowing that no one will take advantage of them.
According to psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, trust is the building block for living a good life.
Like when they tell you to trust life and the universe, since everything happens for a reason.
When there is no trust in a relationship, fear takes its place and the results can be dire.
Even from the earliest stages, trust plays an important role in developing a healthy relationship.
Confidence also has the “power” to stimulate oxytocin production according to Paul Jak, writing in the Harvard Business Review. And along with a greater sense of purpose, it produces happiness.
The truth is, no one can deny the importance of trust.
But, trust does not develop by itself, it is not simply there, but there are things that foster it.
In a relationship with your partner, commitment and perseverance are needed to build trust.
If you have doubts about the level of trust in your partner or need help to generate it, keep reading.
16 tips for building indestructible partner trust
1) Prioritize the relationship
When you consider your partner’s thoughts and feelings, you make him feel loved and respected.
However, this does not mean that you should give up your interests and put those of your partner above them.
It simply means thinking in terms of “WE” instead of “I”.
Doing so will make him feel important to you and make him trust you more.
And the same if you want to work on the trust that you feel towards him, you can express your need for him to take you more into account when making decisions.
2) Know yourself
The work of introspection and self-knowledge will not only help you to have a better relationship with your partner, but it will be beneficial for you in all other areas of life.
Knowing what you want and need and having the ability to communicate it clearly is something we should all do.
Many people “don’t have time” to work on their personal development, but in my opinion, these are just excuses for not wanting to go deeper.
Working on yourself and being better every day will only bring you greater well-being in the future.
In addition, being clear about your strengths and areas for improvement will allow you to focus better and, of course, have more confidence.
3) Be yourself
It takes two to tango.
If you want your partner to trust you, then you also need to show that you have trust in the relationship and especially in him.
When you are true to yourself, you let your partner know that you trust him.
By showing your vulnerability, your weaknesses and fears, you trust that he will accept you for who you really are.
So, let your guard down and show the real you, flaws and all.
Remember that there is no perfect relationship.
The perfect thing is knowing the other’s imperfections and loving them, that’s what makes it perfect.
4) Communicate with your partner
I never tire of saying it, communication is very important in a relationship.
According to a study conducted by a professor at the University of Illinois, it is essential to build and maintain strong relationships.
Good communication is the one that is carried out with respect and clarity.
When you really communicate with your partner, you show that you feel safe enough to express your concerns, needs, and fears without fear.
As a result, that will build trust and foster intimate moments in your relationship.
5) Harness the power of positive reinforcement
If you are a person who appreciates what you have and practices gratitude, this will not be a problem for you. But let’s be honest, there are many people who prefer to focus on what is missing. This can be reason for constant claims to the couple.
But keep in mind that appreciating the good things your man brings you will help build your trust in each other. Also when he feels useful and valued he will want to give you more of what you appreciate so much.
And if there are things you don’t like, talk to him assertively and honestly. Always mention how you feel instead of judging what you think he did wrong.
6) Be careful with words
Sometimes, in the heat of an argument, people can say what they don’t mean.
This can leave a disastrous effect on a relationship. The power of words is very great, both for good and for bad.
With your words, your partner can feel comfortable and confident or also rejected and misunderstood. Therefore, be aware of the words you use and their impact on the person you love.
There is also what we call non-verbal communication and it is just as important as verbal communication.
Your partner will interpret your tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions.
And he will do it unconsciously so there is no escaping this radar, we all have it.
Therefore, make sure you are consistent and convey a clear message with your words and your body.
7) Express yourself
And while it’s important to watch how we say things, it’s just as important to say things when we feel them.
I know, there are difficult conversations, but it is necessary to have them so as not to keep the emotions that come with them.
Even though you know that your partner will disagree with you, it is important that you always communicate and express yourself with your partner.
At the end of the day, if you can’t be yourself with the person you love, who else?
On the other hand, even if they do not have the same opinion on a subject, the dialogue will allow them to realize that there is always room for agreement.
8) Be the best friend of your partner
Research conducted by John Helliwell states that couples who think of their partner as their best friend are happier and more satisfied.
The conclusion of the study is that having a partner with whom you can talk and share life’s challenges helps create a meaningful relationship.
Also, if a couple doesn’t have that emotional connection with each other, it can lead to emotional and physical adultery.
Something we definitely all want to avoid, right?
9) Be trustworthy
Just as respect breeds respect, trust also breeds trust.
In order for your partner to trust you, you must be trustworthy yourself.
Trust is built by being honest and faithful. And doing what you say you will do.
It’s very simple, if you’re not sure you can commit to something, don’t do it.
So if you can’t do what your partner asks of you, be clear that you can’t avoid unfulfilled expectations.
In addition, being committed to your partner beyond temptations will strengthen your relationship.
10) Learn to apologize
Another great attribute that makes you trustworthy is when you accept your mistakes.
We all commit them, without exception.
But for some reason, we have a hard time accepting them and asking for forgiveness.
You will be surprised by the power of an apology, when we make a mistake and accept it in front of the other the whole situation changes.
So instead of bickering endlessly about why you were late, simply own up to your mistake and apologize.
11) Accept the influence of the other
Dr. John Gottman states that if one of the two in the couple is winning, especially the husbands, both are losing.
His research found that relationships are much more successful when husbands are influenced by their partners.
It means that it is healthy when spouses avoid being too distant and defensive in order to “win” a situation with their partner.
An example he gives is of a husband and wife discussing their plan for Thursday night, because the wife’s mother will be visiting. An attack statement coming from the husband and her words were: “My plans are set and I will not change them.”
When a husband does not accept his wife’s influence, it can create big problems in their relationship.
But when men are able to let themselves be influenced by their partner, it will lead to happiness and contentment.
12) Repair the differences in the relationship
Conflicts and disagreements are normal in a relationship. But it is important that the relationship is adjusted and repaired before the problems get out of control.
One way is to know when to apologize to your partner and validate what the other feels.
It’s because in a relationship, being happy is more important than being right.
13) Be responsible
When a relationship faces challenges, as is common in most cases, it is important to stay together with your partner and seek a solution together.
Being responsible means being emotionally, physically and mentally prepared to face any test with your partner by your side.
14) Be positive
Dr. John Gottman is considered a relationship expert with 40 years of experience.
He claims that the secret to a successful relationship is: to have five positive interactions with your partner for every negative interaction.
It means that if you hurt your partner’s feelings, you have to make it up to five times over by doing positive things like smiling and laughing together, asking questions, taking an interest in their day, or saying I love you.
The main point is that positivity is what nurtures love and mutual trust.
Trust, or lack thereof, has the power to make or break a relationship.
Trusting someone can be difficult, especially if you’ve been hurt before, but with trust comes joy, stability, and peace.
There is nothing that brings us closer to our partner than sharing those special moments where you feel truly connected.
It doesn’t even have to be an intimate moment in the bedroom. It can be a moment as simple and beautiful as sharing a lunch together in front of the river appreciating the sunny day. Or stay together cuddling for a few minutes.
So that your feeling of mutual trust never wavers, it is important that you make sure that you share quality moments together.
16) Respect each other’s space
I know, sometimes in the rush of falling in love we just want to be with our loved one all the time.
But this is certainly a two-sided coin.
You will surely enjoy it now, but over time if you do not maintain your own individual spaces and goals it could cause difficulties in the couple.
You should not neglect your space for yourself and always maintain those activities that you love and are just for you. Like painting for example, reading, a yoga class. I am sure that there are things that you know are good for you and you would not want to abandon them for anyone.
The same for him, he will surely appreciate his outings with the boys and being able to have moments where he can recharge his energies on his own.
What are the main causes of lack of trust in the couple?
1) Lack of self-esteem on the part of one of the two
What could be the first cause of the lack of trust in the partner better than the lack of self-confidence?
Just as security and confidence are very attractive qualities in a woman (and in a man too), insecurity can drive away even the most in love man.
It is possible that one of the two, deep down and unconsciously, does not feel worthy of love.
This can cause you to have attitudes that harm your relationships such as constant claims, jealousy and main lack of trust.
When infidelity happens in the couple it can be totally destructive and damage not only the cheated person but also the one who betrays.
However, many couples choose to forgive and try to get the relationship back on track.
The truth is that at this point, trust has been completely betrayed and a lot of work will have to be done in the couple so that they can get ahead.
As always, continuous and honest communication will be the key to the possibility of moving forward.
3) Not understanding the partner
Another of the great sources of lack of trust is the lack of understanding of the other.
It goes without saying that we are all different and want different things from life.
But there are times when two people attract each other beyond these great differences.
In principle, there should be no problem with this, but if their views are so opposed to the degree that they do not understand each other, this will generate distrust.
Again, if the communication is poor or outright non-existent, there will be an ever-widening gap between the two.
If one of the two does not know how to say no, if they do not resolve their differences in time and call each other to silence, if they do not express their emotions, all this will foster insecurity and lack of trust.
4) Not taking care of expressions
If each time you talk, one of you says everything that comes into your head without thinking for a minute about how this will affect the other, this can be a source of mistrust.
If we address our partner inappropriately, with aggressive language and even offending her, it is logical that this gradually deteriorates her trust in us.
Your partner will think: if you are capable of treating who you love badly, what else will you be capable of.
5) Break promises
This point can have grays and that is why it is often overlooked.
I mean there are big broken promises, but also small ones, and they both count the same.
He could have promised you commitment, however he shy away from showing it in public, which would generate great doubts about the veracity of his word.
Or if one of the two constantly cancels plans, changes meeting times or prioritizes other activities, it will damage the bond in the long run.
At the same time, if he promises to take out the trash every day and doesn’t, you may gradually stop believing what he says.
6) Past wounds
We all have emotional baggage. And although we do not want to accept it, our history affects our current relationships.
No matter how much therapy you have done, your story is part of who you are, so not paying attention to this can cause problems in your current relationship.
It could well be he who was hurt by another woman a while back, or you who was betrayed.
The truth is that bad experiences in past relationships are a great cause of mistrust in the couple.
Here they must have the ability to differentiate whether that feeling of distrust is caused by an attitude of their partner or by their own insecurities due to the past.
7) Irresponsibility and immaturity
If you perceive that your partner is immature or you have seen him behaving irresponsibly on several occasions, it is fair to think that this will promote your lack of trust.
So if your partner is young and impulsive, you can talk to him about the impact his behavior has on the way you feel about him.
8) Lack of stimuli in the couple
The truth is that all relationships go through certain stages. At first everything is exciting and new.
You find yourself discovering a person you love, have fun, make plans, are attracted to each other.
But over time that euphoria at the beginning gives way to give way to other stages. And this is very good.
The problem is when they enter a stagnation in the relationship, which leads to absolute monotony.
If everything is the same and every day they follow the same routine without feeling emotion, this will lead to the deterioration of the relationship.
You or he may think that the love is over and feel distrustful about the future of the relationship.
Even in a more extreme instance it could lead to separation or deception.
9) Disadvantages in privacy
Although sex is not the only thing, nor the most important thing for a relationship to work, its absence or problems in intimacy can be a great reason for lack of trust.
If your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you , you’re probably wondering if he’s having sex with someone else, and the same if you don’t feel desire.
Sometimes men want to have sex much more often than women and this could also lead to an imbalance that should not be neglected.