Every relationship ends in a different way.
Some people go their separate ways and don’t communicate again for years, while others try to make things work.
The relationship was able to end on good terms, because there is still a lot of appreciation, perhaps for the sake of their children or because they care about each other.
It may have been hard for you to move on. Surely you have tried to forget it, but your ex is still haunting your thoughts.
You want it to come back, but you don’t know if it’s the best.
You feel like you can’t find the right words to say when you talk to him.
Is it a good idea to try talking to someone you’re still romantically interested in via texting?
Here’s everything you need to know and ask yourself before sending him a message.
8 things you should know before talking to your ex on WhatsApp
1) Return to the reasons for their separation
There are many factors that can make you question the possibility of sending a WhatsApp to your ex:
- The related: there is a general idea that the pandemic context made many questions their love ties, and especially miss past relationships
- You’re worried about how you’re doing
- Having been single for a long time
- Desire to regain what was once a good relationship
The first and most important thing you should do is reflect on why it didn’t work the first time.
What made you change your mind about him now?
The mind is very powerful and many times, to allow us to move forward, it makes us more aware of the good things we have lived and that we remember less the bad ones. There are specialists who explain this process.
Then surely you are dreaming of those good times you spent together. But what about disagreements, arguments and differences?
Make sure you are honest and think about whether those differences are something they can really overcome.
2) Think about what your real goal is when contacting him
What do you really want when you send him a WhatsApp?
It is important that you be honest with yourself about the truth of your intentions.
Do you want to write to him about something simple, like knowing how he is? Do you want to talk to him or just let him know you’re okay?
Or do you want to take that contact by text message to a possible encounter and maybe something else?
You might even want to talk to him again to give final closure in your mind to their relationship.
This will set the tone and whether or not it’s really a good idea to write to him.
If all you want is to send him a message without ulterior motives, because you really care, and you want to know how he is, you should not give the matter so much thought and just do it.
But if you are here, there is some doubt in your mind.
Read on to find out if it’s really a good idea.
3) How good do you feel now that you’re alone?
A second very important point that you should evaluate is, How do you feel being alone?
Don’t stand loneliness or do you really want to be with him? What do you really crave: him or someone’s company?
If you don’t want to be alone, find a friend or someone to share your moments of sadness and happiness with.
Never send a WhatsApp message to your ex under the effects of sadness or depression.
Maybe you’re going through tough times and that makes you feel more vulnerable.
For many, regaining contact with an ex and trying to get them back is an act of survival or self-help.
But, you don’t need to be with someone to feel good.
First, you should feel good about your life and at that point decide if you still want to send him a message.
4) Think about how it might affect him
Many times we are so absorbed in our own feelings, that we forget that there is a person on the other side, with their own feelings and emotions.
How do you think your WhatsApp could impact him?
Especially if it was you who decided to end the relationship, this is something you should consider in depth.
If you really want it you should not awaken hopes in it, which then may lead to nothing.
Whether you still care or not, find a way to understand how it might affect him if you contact him.
Try to be aware of the impact this can have on him.
5) Are you prepared for their reaction?
You can imagine hundreds of scenarios, such as their possible responses, to the message you want to send to your ex.
But the truth is that reality always surpasses fiction.
There are many options:
- He could be super friendly and glad to hear from you
- The thought of seeing you might excite him a lot.
- It might seem like your message is out of place and get angry
- Maybe choose silence and prefer not to answer you
- Or even tell you that he is in a couple and that he prefers to cut off all contact with you
Are you sure you are prepared to deal with any scenario that arises?
You will always have the desired option in your mind, but what if what you expect doesn’t happen?
Send them a message only when you’re ready to do so, and when you’re sure you can deal with their reaction.
All things can’t be planned, but at least you need to be ready for everything that could happen.
6) Has enough time passed to contact you again?
If their breakup is very recent and they have agreed to zero contact, it may be a good idea to wait a while before texting your ex.
There is a valid reason why they decided to cut off contact and it is time to keep it in mind.
Now, if you feel like it’s been a long time and the distance hasn’t made you forget, you might decide to send him a message.
It is important that you know that time can help you overcome the breakup and be happy forever, but it is not the only factor that influences that decision.
There’s also a lot here about their relationship.
If he still loves you, and you really need to be together, he may step forward at some point and let you know he’s still thinking about you.
7) Is it a better idea to talk instead of sending a message? Should you call him?
We all know that texting distorts reality.
Many times they lend themselves to confusion, and we cannot understand the true intentions of the other.
There are people who are more expressive and even funnier by message. In person, they may find it harder to show their emotions or they may be shy.
Or on the contrary, a person could seem very distant or cut by message, when it is not their intention.
Then you should think if it is not better to make a friendly call, instead of sending a WhatsApp message to your ex.
This option is sometimes more direct and will let you know where he is, in a faster and more direct way.
8) Do not write to him again, if he has asked you not to do so
Maybe you’ve been through this in the past, without much success.
It may not be the first time you’ve thought about writing to him.
But I must be honest with you here, if you’ve already tried and he’s told you he doesn’t want you to write to him. You must respect it.
There are things in life that cannot be forced, and a person’s love is one of them.
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It’s better to focus on yourself and be better.
I know it can be hard to forget someone you love, but I assure you that if you love yourself you will find what you are looking for.
He is not the only one and you can find love if you stop putting your energies into something that is already over.
If you decide to talk to your ex on WhatsApp, follow these steps:
1) What will you say?
If you still think it’s a good idea to send a WhatsApp to your ex and eventually try to get it back, you have to take some time to think about what you’ll say.
You should first “test the waters” before suggesting a meeting.
What kind of way could you choose to talk to him? How could you get started?
Since they’re probably not having contact at present, you could start by asking if they’re okay and how their affairs stand.
You could tell him that you have been thinking about him and you would like to know how he is.
And wait to see how he responds.
Is he friendly and interested in you too?
Only then could you suggest having a cup of coffee together or propose a plan.
2) Don’t be insistent
If you send him a message and he doesn’t respond immediately. Don’t pressure him for an answer.
You must respect their time.
He won’t be sure what he wants to tell you. And he probably needs to reflect on everything that implies that you have written to him again.
You have already taken the first step, and you must accept whatever he can offer you. Whether it’s a message or silence.
3) Don’t play games
In the world of seduction, there are many theories.
Some will tell you that it’s okay to play hard once you start contact with your ex.
I think it doesn’t get any more wrong than this.
This is a person who knows you and you know him very well. Starting with games, like waiting a long time to answer if he has written to you, won’t lead to anything good.
You have already thought about what you want, simply seek to understand what he feels and accept what he decides.
4) Say no to claims and reproaches
You may want to fix things with your ex. But there is a right time for everything.
If you get back in touch and they immediately start talking about what went wrong, their differences or whatever didn’t work, you probably won’t generate any enthusiasm on their part to see you.
Take things slowly. Start by knowing how the other is doing. What things have changed since they broke up and talk about whether they have missed each other.
If things are moving in the right direction, there will be time to talk calmly about what to change, if they really want to be together.
When is it NOT a good idea to talk to your ex on WhatsApp to get him back?
I have left you here a complete and detailed guide for you to think well before writing to your ex on WhatsApp. At this point, you should be clear if it is a good idea or not.
But I leave you a last section with the cases in which it will be preferable that you look for another solution, for your sake and his.
1) He has already rebuilt his life and is happy
I know this can hurt. But if your ex has advanced, already has a girlfriend, or even the years have passed and he has started a family, maybe it is best for you to do the same.
It is true that where fire there were ashes remain, there will always be something that unites them.
But maybe he appeared in your life in the past and that was it. He was at the moment he had to be in your life, and that moment has passed.
Now it’s time to move toward new bonds and relationships that give you what you need today.
If he has his life remade let him be happy, if you really want him you should wish that for him too.
2) You are submissive in depression and obsessed with it
Acknowledging this is difficult and requires a lot of courage on your part.
If you are in a constant search for your ex, if you do not realize that this situation is too strong and that it is affecting you.
If you keep thinking about him, if you haven’t realized that you are suffering because of him.
Maybe you need to stop and talk to someone to understand what you’re going through.
You can also consult a professional to help you get out of that depression and thus avoid emotional damage for you and him.
It’s definitely not a good idea to write to him if you feel that way. First, you need to regain your energy and calm your emotions.
Trust that you’ll be okay, even if it’s not with him.
3) He hasn’t answered you in the past
If he has shown that he is not interested in talking to you, it is time for you to let him go.
You may be looking for an explanation for his indifference and that’s why you want to contact him again.
It may hurt you after everything they’ve been through, that he doesn’t even take the time to respond to you. Maybe you even feel like he hates you and can’t stand it.
But you must accept that in life there are things that are not how we want, but how we need them to be, for our own evolution.
There’s a reason he reacts that way, maybe you don’t understand it, but the healthiest thing is that you accept it and move on.
He surely does not want to harm you, but for some reason, he considers that it is best not to talk to you.
4) He never valued you
Most of us have had some relationship in our lives that wasn’t entirely healthy.
Maybe we felt vulnerable and needy, and someone just showed up to fill that need.
But if your ex is a person who blames you for everything that went wrong, and doesn’t take any responsibility, you should pay attention to alerts.
If it was just you pushing the relationship, stop for a minute to think if you really want to get that back.
It’s time to be brutally honest with yourself, even if you’re experiencing the deepest pain.
If he didn’t value you when you were together, why do you think that would change now?
It’s completely normal to feel the need to be with someone.
Your ex is a person you know and had feelings for.
That connection, even if the link has ended, will always exist. But it will be transformed, there was something that united them and that does not disappear.
As interdependent beings, we need each other.
But you must be very clear that we can only relate in a healthy and constructive way with others, as complete and contained individuals separately.
You shouldn’t write to him with the expectation that he will fill a void that you feel.
The best thing you can do is to find yourself with your best version again.
There is a lot of potential within you, to be happy, enjoy and show others all those qualities you possess.
It is important to take advantage of moments of solitude to rediscover ourselves, to know who we are and what we really want.
We attract who we are so do not wait any longer and become that person you want to attract into your life.