Many couples separate. Some do it permanently and for others, it is simply a bump, but then they come back stronger than before.
If you have left the love of your life and regret it, consider this separation an invitation to step back and analyze the relationship. Think about what things did not work and take the opportunity to start from scratch with him. For this, we will tell you about 10 ways to recover your ex, if you want to get back together.
10 secrets to win back the love of your life
1) Fix what was wrong with the relationship
Think carefully about the relationship they had. Relationships rarely end suddenly and without warning. Try to remember anything you said or did to your ex, which might have indicated that he wasn’t happy.
Some things could be:
Complaining that they are too estranged, that you don’t share time together, or that you don’t pay enough attention to them.
They doubt you when you tell them something, like where you were or why you did something.
He tells you that you never give him space to be alone. Any healthy relationship needs moments for your individuality.
He asks you for something that you are not giving him.
He complains that he never helps around the house.
2) Ask questions
If you don’t know what went wrong in their relationship, ask him.
Even if you know something you did bother him, ask him if there’s anything you can do to make things better.
Some examples of questions can be:
Can you help me understand why you were always angry?
What can I do to make our relationship stronger?
Is there anything you want me to do more?
What are the things that really bother you about how I act?
Is there anything you need from me that I’m not doing?
3) Apologize and admit your responsibility
If you already know what the reason for their breakup was, tell your ex that you really regret what happened.
Additionally, take full responsibility for and explain why you haven’t done anything about it before.
Some good things you could say are:
I’m so sorry I left you, instead of fixing the flaws in our relationship sooner. Can you help me figure out what they were so I can fix them?
I’m so sorry I didn’t notice what you wanted (something).
I know I really hurt you when I did (certain things), but separating from you has helped me see how important you are in my life.
I know I didn’t take (something) into account when you asked me. The reality is that I didn’t realize it was so important to you. I’m so sorry I didn’t understand what it meant to you. I promise to make it my first priority from now on.
I know I’m out for a long time right now because of (certain issues), and I don’t like it either.
But this is a temporary problem, and once I finish it, things will be better for both of us.
It’s as hard for me as it is for you and I’m so sorry it has to be that way. Is there anything I can do to help you get through this difficult time with me?
4) Try to make a commitment
Discuss what the problems are and then come to an agreement in which you both make the same sacrifices for the well-being of the relationship. Making a list can help.
Remember to keep in mind that some things may be more important than others to everyone. They can make compensation, depending on how much they care or how difficult it is for them.
For example, being on time is really important to one of you, and the other doesn’t mind being late (and often does).
So a fair compromise might be that, when you’re getting ready to go somewhere together, the party that doesn’t mind being late, allows the party that wants to be on time to help you organize your schedule, so you can be on time.
5) Building a new relationship
Listen to your ex. When your former partner talks to you, make sure you’re committed and focused on them. Make him feel like you’re really listening to him.
Some ways to do this are:
- Put everything you’re reading or watching on and off, and turn off the TV.
- Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or peek out the window.
- Look at your partner when he speaks.
When he finishes saying what he wanted, repeat a summary of what he said.
This will do two things for you. One is that he sees that you are interested in what he meant, and the other is to be able to assimilate what he said, and then be able to act accordingly.
Some signs that there might be something else in what he’s saying might be:
Tension in the way you are standing or sitting. Folded arms are a good sign of anger and impatience.
Any expression that is not neutral on your face. If you’re sad, you’ll probably want to understand. If he is very excited, this is a request for you to participate in his enthusiasm.
Touching your neck, ears, and face is a sign of insecurity, probably meaning you’re uncomfortable with what you’re trying to tell them.
7) Don’t get angry
If you’re angry that you’ve left the love of your life, it’s important to stay calm.
Yelling at your ex-partner will not make him want to be with you again, quite the opposite.
If you’re struggling to stay calm, here are some good things you can try:
Take a break. You can simply tell your ex something like, “My emotions are taking over, can we take a break so I can calm down and say what I really want to say?”
Sleep before starting a conversation with your ex. Take 24 hours to make sure you really want to tell him what you plan to say. Consider how he might react and think about how you would react if you were told something similar.
Take deep, relaxing breaths or visualize yourself in a place that gives you peace.
Write a letter with what you would say and then read it the next day. It can be very helpful to write things down, because then you have time to think about what you will say, before the other person hears it. This will prevent you from saying something you don’t want. Plus, it will help you remember what you planned to say.
8) Don’t get defensive and don’t jump to conclusions
People tend to jump to conclusions when they are angry. This can often mean that you hear something (usually negative for you), that your partner is not meant.
If he’s trying to explain something you do that they don’t like, remember that it’s in both of you to really understand what he meant to you and respond to it.
9) Take action on the things you’ve discovered have to change in your relationship
After you apologize, it’s important to immediately take action on the things you may have figured out that you need to change.
If you still don’t understand exactly what you need to do, more questions are always a good way to clarify this. Besides, he will see that you are really wanting to fix things between the two of you.
Some examples of solving common relationship problems include:
If they complained that you didn’t spend enough time with him, make more time for the relationship. Try going out to dinner together or cooking together at home regularly one night a week.
Give up other things you do, to show that you care more about the relationship and your partner.
If he tells you that he doesn’t feel appreciated enough, try to say thank you from the heart more often.
It also performs any tasks that can make your life easier.
If you complain that you don’t do anything together, think about what hobbies you both like and can share. For example: go to the gym together, take a photography course or just choose one day a week to get to know a new place.
10) Schedule a time to talk
This is a really helpful tip to prevent tension from building up in your relationship and the fear that the words ‘we have to talk’ can sometimes involve.
Plan a time once a week, or once a month, to talk about any problems in your relationship. This will make them get along much better.
You can also schedule a time during which they don’t speak. If, for example, you are always very tired when you get home from work, agree that the first 15 minutes will be a time of relaxation, during which you leave yourself alone.
11) Create a communication channel
When something is bothering you, tell them. If you feel like your partner is hiding something from you, ask them about it. Keep communication channels open.
It’s important to be honest, but kind.
Some tips to facilitate communication are:
Avoid saying things like you never (do something). They are unlikely to be true and will probably make your partner defensive.
Start the sentences with, “I feel this way.” You’re always right about your feelings, and this is a great way to make the other person not defensive since you’re not complaining about their behavior directly.
Try to avoid saying what you think your ex-partner does. This can be rephrased in a way that only uses “me.” For example, instead of “I feel like you never wash the dishes,” you can say, “I feel like I always wash the dishes.”
Don’t interrupt. If you’re not sure your partner has finished talking, give him a few seconds of silence and then ask if he’s done.
Have you tried everything, but nothing has worked?
If you’ve tried all of the above and got nowhere, this means it’s time to move on.
If you change for the better and find yourself somewhere else, your ex may see the new person you’ve become and love you back, but don’t focus on this or it won’t work.
5 steps to rebuild your life and continue your path
1) Don’t act like the world is over
It’s okay to make it clear that you’d like to get back together and that it bothers you that the relationship is over, but don’t give in to your emotions.
Smile, be cheerful and positive, and don’t make a huge display of your sadness. Instead, put on a show of happiness and little by little the show will come true.
2) Make new friends
This is an especially important step if most of your friends were primarily friends of your ex.
Any activity, such as those listed in the next point, can be a good way to meet new people.
It can be helpful to tell them you’re trying to make new friends after a breakup. But remember not to cram them with too much information about how miserable you are!
3) Eliminate your ex from your life
Thinking about him all the time won’t help you recover.
Some good ways to do this are:
Remove it from all your social networks.
Delete your phone number.
Ask your friends not to talk to you about him.
Try not to mention it yourself. If you have difficulty with this, ask your friends for help. You can do this when you realize you want to bring up the subject of your ex. You can also ask them ahead of time to change the subject, every time you try to start talking about the breakup.
4) Go out and have fun
The best way to occasionally entertain your troubled mind is to be busy with things you like to do.
Some things you can try include:
Go out with your friends: you can propose going out to know new bars or getting together to eat on weekends and going for a walk in beautiful places.
Join a new club and participate in its activities.
Work on a project you’ve been wanting to do for a while.
Take classes of something you would like to learn. This is a great way to combine acquiring a new hobby and meeting people.
5) Go out with other people
Even if you think you’re not likely to find someone now for a new relationship, give your new dates an honest chance.
Don’t compare them to your ex and look for things you like about them.
Try online dating websites, if you have difficulty meeting people. You can also just date some old friends and let them know you’re looking for a new relationship.
Why did you leave the love of your life and then repent?
You weren’t sure what you needed from your relationship
One of the reasons you may have left your soul mate is that you didn’t know what you wanted.
For a long time, you had thought that he was the love of your life.
But you began to feel insecure about not being able to find the right balance between perhaps your independent nature or your demanding personality, and the love you felt for him.
Maybe you felt that the relationship was too big a responsibility for you or you didn’t get enough out of it and decided to break up.
As time passed, after the breakup, you realized everything you had lost from the wonderful relationship with him.
They truly loved each other and you let your insecurities trump how you felt about him.
I’m not saying there aren’t things to solve. There are always in a long-term relationships.
But sometimes we get carried away by our feelings and don’t take enough time to think about what’s really going on.
They love each other, have problems like all couples and must sit down to talk to solve them.
You thought you could find someone better
Maybe you felt like you wanted to find a man who was more like you or more adventurous. But then you started to realize that your ex had the qualities he wanted, for a long-term partner.
Fortunately, you can communicate with him again. Let him know that you have understood all the wonderful things involved in being by his side and that you want the relationship he was giving you.
Something that you have understood in this separate time, that only he can give you.
Make him understand that their time apart helped them understand what things were not working in the relationship.
But it also gives them the push they need, to make the necessary changes and make their relationship stronger than ever.
To get back to being with the love of your life, you need to start with a little introspection and find a solid sense of well-being.
This will help you regain self-confidence in this challenging period. In addition, it will set the stage for a more stable relationship with the person you love.
Your ex will have to trust you again, and that starts when you learn to trust yourself.
Plus, it becomes infinitely easier to attract your ex back when you live a life you’re proud of.
Clearly, they’re not going to want to go back to the same relationship they had before, because they both already know how it ended.
So now is the time to work to become your best version, to have the relationship you both always dreamed of.