Friends with benefits, one-night stands, booty call—call it whatever you want, casual sex has many names that all come down to the same thing: sex without attachment. At least, that’s what you’re hoping for. There are several risks to having an arrangement like this: you could catch feelings, or worse, an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease).
This article will discuss the many simple one-night stand tips you can apply to ensure safety for yourself and your partner. Let’s get into it!
Reasons Why People Have One Night Stands
Going through a one-night stand can be a great experience — or a not-so-great one. If you want to have a one-night stand, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Make sure this is something you 100 percent want to do, and you aren’t being pressured or under the impression that this will make someone like you more. Some people will definitely not enjoy having hookups, so it’s key to be mindful of your reasons.
But without further ado, here are some of the reasons why people may enjoy doing one-night stands:
1. People are simply horny.
When someone seeks a one-night stand, they’re usually horny and simply looking for a quick fix to their sexual urges. They’re not interested in dating and getting committed to someone, so they prefer a no-strings-attached setup.
2. Needing a break from normal life.
It can be very therapeutic to be intimate with someone who exists outside the structures of our regular lives. It’s a great way to step out of the bubble for a moment and play.
3. Sometimes we go through a dry spell.
There are plenty of people who have gone through some very dry spells. If you’re just interested in sex for the sake of having a great time and breaking the spell — why will you not give it a try?
4. Some just feel like doing it.
Your life and your body. There are a million reasons you should go for it if you want to. One-night stands can be silly, fun, cathartic — and yes, sometimes downright awkward. But if you want to have some sex for sex’s sake, there’s no reason you shouldn’t have it. Sometimes you just want to cut loose.
5. There is a need to explore.
If you’ve been looking for a way to mix up your sex life but feel awkward about experimenting, sometimes it help to try it with someone totally outside of your normal zone. If it’s with someone you don’t know, it can be thrilling to try new things or even have a new persona as you enjoy such sexcapades.
6. Getting over an ex.
Sometimes we allow our past relationships to disallow our future relationships and happiness. When that is the case, going back to move forward can sometimes make us see that we’ve idealized the relationship. Revisiting the sexual side of the relationship can help resolve some of that past hurt.
7. Some just don’t want any strings attached.
Some people simply don’t want to get into any romantic or sexual relationship. It could be temporary, as they may have plans of moving out of the country or prefer focusing on their career at the moment, while others see themselves going solo for their lifetime. And no, they’re not bad or selfish for wanting to live as a single person forever. At least they’re not pretending to be wanting a committed relationship and hurting the other person.
8. It can be fun!
One of the common reasons people go into an ONS setup is that it’s simply fun! You get to enjoy the novelty of meeting someone new without the pressure of impressing the other person. You may also feel freer in the bedroom as you’ll never get to see that person in the future.
9. Not everyone is ready to settle down.
We really have to shut down the stigma of being single. Yes, when you want a relationship and don’t have one, it can suck. But some people really enjoy no-string-attached interactions with sexual partners. Not everyone is trying to meet someone, marry, and start procreating. Some people even want to stay single forever, and one-night stands might be a part of their lives for the rest of their lives, or at least the near future. Let people live, and let yourself live.
10. They’re great confidence boosters!
One-night stands can be a reminder that you’re hot and totally worth picking up at a bar. They can be a reminder that you’re confident, funny, and have no problem connecting with strangers. One-night stands are, if nothing else, an adventure, and only certain kinds of people take to that sort of thing. You’re a badass.
20 Tips For a Safe One Night Stand
Many women have very successful one-night stands. The key is to be safe and look out for yourself while also having a good time. There are several steps you can take to have an enjoyable one-night stand. Follow these one-night stand tips, and you’ll be enjoying casual sex in no time!
1. Be clear and set your intentions.
A one-night stand has to be about sex. If you want to have a one-night stand, make sure you do it for the right reasons. That this is something you 100 percent want to do, and you aren’t being pressured or under the impression that this will make someone like you more. If you’re doing it because there are emotions involved, don’t.
2. Make sure to get vaccinations for hep A, hep B, and HPV.
This is a vital one-night stand tip. Ensuring the health of your body is mandatory, especially if you’re engaging in casual sex. Vaccinations are available to protect against hepatitis A, hepatitis B, and HPV. Hepatitis A and hepatitis B are viral infections of the liver that can transmit via sexual activity. You can consult with your healthcare provider on how you can get this vaccination. The CDC recommends that all infants and people with certain risk factors be vaccinated against hepatitis A and hepatitis B.
HPV is the most common STI worldwide, affecting more than 290 million people each year. There are many strains of HPV, and some strains can cause genital warts or lead to cancer. It can be given to adults if they haven’t had it already or to people with certain risk factors.
3. Check in with your emotions and mental state.
Recognize that taking care of your emotional health is just as important as your physical health. Non-committed sex can be a great way to learn about your wants and needs. Some people find that they enjoy this form of sexual expression, while other people may find that they don’t. Remember to check in with yourself before, during, and after sex. So in this one-night stand tip, make sure that you are making decisions that are right for you—consensual and make you feel confident, happy, and fulfilled.
4. Treat yourself before the date.
The date and casual sex is a whole different treat, of course. Prepare by getting a new outfit—light a candle. Put on music. Dig out your favorite underwear. Whatever is going to make you feel sexy, go for it. It’ll make you feel confident and relaxed — which will make the one-night stand better. So take the time for a little self-care. One-night stands should be amazing and fun and silly, so don’t take them too seriously. Just be safe and go for what you want in the bedroom, because that’s all you need.
5. Keep reasonable expectations.
Think about your short-term and long-term goals. Are you looking for just sex? That’s perfectly fine if that’s the case. Just make sure to maintain the same priority throughout the experience. Do not expect a relationship to develop. Sometimes people get hurt after a one-night stand. It’s usually because their expectations shifted.
6. Take extra steps in protecting yourself.
Practicing safe sex is a no-brainer when having sex with someone new. However, having sex with someone you’ve just met (and probably would never see again forever) is extra risky, so it’s better to take extra measures to protect yourself. Never forget to use a condom, even if you’re already taking hormonal birth control or had a vasectomy. Even if your partner provides a negative STI test, you may not be sure if they’re negative for any sexually transmitted infections.
For instance, HIV can only be detected through testing 3 months after exposure. If your casual partner got exposed to HIV last week, it wouldn’t get detected on the test.
It’s also better to use condoms or dental dams when oral to your partner, especially if you have some minor wounds in your gums; though it’s rare to get STIs from oral plays, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
7. Know the relationship status of your potential hookup.
Either have it be someone random who you know is just in it for the sex too, or have some really clear boundaries. It takes two very self-aware individuals to navigate intimacy between friends without crushed expectations and misunderstandings.
Know your hookup’s relationship status by simply asking them. Do this so you won’t have to get in mixed up with any complications. The aspects of freedom, play, and escapism that make a one-night stand so attractive don’t exist when it’s sex with a friend too. Open, honest dialogue — with each other and yourself — goes a long way in creating the clarity necessary for a positive experience.
8. Find a willing partner.
Considering where you are, there are various ways you can find a willing partner, including looking for them at a nightclub or bar. Therefore, you can decide to visit some of your favorite bars, lounge, or nightclubs. You should take note of the men or women around you and find the one who is alone and appears like they may be looking for company.
Alternatively, you can utilize a reputable hookup app. Keep in mind that having a one-night stand is as easy as simply getting on the phone these days. Hence, download a hookup or dating app designed to bring interested partners together and start the game digitally. You can tell potential partners a bit about yourself while also finding something about them. When you find a match, then start discussing taking the relationship to another level. Many people usually find it easier to talk about a one-night stand when they use technology than in person. You can find many apps out there.
9. Tell a friend where you’re going.
Lifelines are important, making this another vital one-night stand tip. You want to make sure that you have at least one. Tell a friend where you are going so that someone knows where you are at all times. Text her his name, address, and what time you expect to be home. On that note, you want to make sure that you update your friend if you are out longer than you expected.
Having a code word is always a good idea. When going on a one-night stand, a general rule of thumb is: if something doesn’t feel right, stop. Get out of there. Your mind can pick up on things that it can’t quite process. This is a natural safety mechanism that has been cultured over a long time. Listen to it. One-night stands are exciting, and we don’t discourage you from having fun at all. We want you to be safe while you are having fun. Take these tips to mind and keep them there to have a fun and safe time. If you have any tips of your own, make sure that you leave them in the comments below.
10. Mind your manners.
Keep the conversation light — avoid any mentions of exes, personal history, politics, or family members’ prescription drug habits. There’s no need to brunch, but an offer of a cup of coffee or tea is polite. Plus, a simple “Thanks for the hot night” should suffice if witty repartees should fail you in your hungover state.
11. Meet in a public space.
You will probably want to get straight to business when you have a one-night stand, but that isn’t the safe way to go. It would help if you always met your partner in a public place first so that you can make sure they are who they say they are. Meeting in a public place will also give you a chance to feel any bad vibes you might get.
12. Try something new (but safe, of course!)
One of the great things about having a one-night stand is that you never have to see the person again if you don’t want to. So try something crazy — a new position, a new role play. If it’s awkward as hell, you never have to go back and do it again. Or even talk about it.
13. Prepare backup for pregnancy prevention and STI protection.
This is one of the one-night stand tips you should take note of. Make sure to have a backup plan if things go south. If possible, get emergency contraception if the condom breaks or your casual partner went a-hole mode and “stealth” you.
According to the World Health Organization, there are four safe methods for emergency contraception: emergency contraception pills with ulipristal acetate, emergency contraception pills with levonorgestrel, and a combination of oral contraceptive pills and a copper IUD.
We also recommend getting post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to lower your chances of getting HIV after having unprotected sex. You need to start taking PEP 3 days after the intercourse, or it wouldn’t work. We recommend seeking help from your sexual healthcare provider or sexual health clinics such as Love Yourself Inc. to access these mentioned protection options.
14. Don’t be afraid to check in with your partner.
You can’t tell if a person has an STI just by looking at them (or even just by looking at their genitals). It’s possible to have an STI without having symptoms, so be aware that you or your potential sexual partner could have an STI—and pass it on—without knowing. Many people think that asking about STD status is a mood killer, but in reality, it is not. It is just a safety precaution. While asking is enough for some people, the best route is to see their health proof.
Communication is key when it comes to safer sex. If you’re planning to have sex with someone (even if it’s just once), it’s important to have a conversation about your sexual health. This may seem unsexy or embarrassing, but it doesn’t have to be awkward. One idea is to begin the conversation by sharing your sexual health history, which can help your partner feel comfortable enough to share their details. This is also a good time to set up expectations about contraceptive use.
15. Be spontaneous.
You’re in for a one-night stand to have a great time, after all, so feel free to experiment too! One-night stands often follow a pretty standard script: four shots, foreplay, floor play, two minutes of oral, and p-in-the-v sex. If this is your cup of lube, then, by all means, have at it, but most of us veer from this standard with people we know because what gets us off is entirely different from the common denominator. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner things that help you get off, whether that’s toys, dirty talk, or watching porn.
16. Stay sober.
One night stand tip: Always remain sharp and sober! If you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, it’s probably not the right time for a one-night stand. When you are intimate with someone you don’t know, it’s important to remain in control of your faculties. If you anticipate having a one-night stand, limit yourself to one or two cocktails.
17. Don’t try too hard to make an impression.
If you approach someone and try to impress them by telling them about your career, where you live, what car you drive, and so on, you’re coming from a vulnerable and insecure position. If they already agree to meet you, chances are they’re already attracted to you.
18. Don’t fake it (the emotion part, that is).
You may feel bad, so you would ask his number even if you have no intention of calling. You may even bring up brunch. But none of this is because you’re interested in a relationship but because you don’t want to be that girl-who-just-wants-casual-sex. And it isn’t very clear. Be respectful and genuine in the experience with the person you’re sharing it with and if you want casual sex, spare them the time.
19. Don’t stay the night.
A one-night stand is exactly that, a one-night stand. You don’t want to make it last longer than that. Even if he wants you to stay the night, opt not to. It is dangerous to be asleep in a stranger’s house. At least on a date, you spend more time getting to know each other.
20. Visit your gynecologist regularly.
A super important one-night stand tip, you should do this anyway, but even more so if you’re engaging in casual sex. And yes, even if you are using condoms, regular sessions with your gynae are a must because, guess what–even barrier methods aren’t 100% effective. Your gynae might suggest some post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) that will keep the HIV risk at bay.
Frequently Asked Questions
Now you know the one-night stand tips, you may still have more questions. There are so many things that can happen in a one-night stand, so we’ve collated the common questions about it in this FAQ:
1. Is it alright if I ask about my partner’s relationship status?
Today’s society does not see marriage the way it seemed to be a hundred years ago. But it is the same. How each person treats it is what the problem is. It’s a matter of ethics and morals to know if you’re having sex with someone who commits to another. And this should be a question you ask yourself before heading out to play with casual sex. If you love the person you are with, you need to focus on that love life.
2. Should I have an ONS with someone I have romantic feelings for?
You’re asking for trouble if you have sex with someone who thinks it’s an ONS while you secretly harbor feelings for this person. Maybe you think you can wow him with your sexual prowess. But even if you’re amazing in bed, love takes more than that. And if he’s not into the idea of something more serious, you’re bound to get hurt.
3. Can I meet Mr. Right by having to try to have casual sex?
Having a one-night stand is almost always a terrible idea if you want to meet Mr. Right. It’s going to set your relationship up on completely the wrong foot. But if you are looking for a guy to date for a little while or a ‘friends-with-benefits or booty call situation, then a one-night stand is a great place to meet him.
4. Should I stay for breakfast?
Staying for breakfast doesn’t mean that you agree to pay the rent together, but it does mean that you want to be something more than an anonymous face he never sees again. If you are thinking about cultivating anything from friends with benefits to the plot of The Notebook, you should stay for breakfast. It isn’t fair that you have to make this huge decision so quickly and on an empty stomach, but go with your gut. If he is at your place, there is no question. You offer him breakfast, even if all you have is noodles and frozen corn.
5. How do I know if I’m doing this for the right reasons?
Know that there is nothing wrong with a good one-night stand. The ego boost can give you weeks of renewed self-confidence. Also, it’s really fun, and if handled correctly, it doesn’t hurt anyone. Sex is also apparently a solid workout, so that’s a plus.
While engaging in one-night stands can be super thrilling, you still have to be a responsible adult. You have to be careful with who, what, and how you do these things with. We hope that these one-night stand tips help you in your future sexcapades. And as long as you apply the one-night stand tips in this article, you’ll be enjoying yourself in no time!