Dildos are awesome; there’s no doubt about it. But there was a time during my teenage years when I had no way of getting my hands on a real one. Price was one barrier. But living with my parents was another. The thought of having to explain away a suspiciously phallic-shaped box arriving in the mail was too much, even for me!
That’s why I started making DIY dildos using common household items. I soon mastered a dozen or so ways of making incredible body-safe dildos for pennies on the dollar.
In today’s post, I’m going to show you the five best “homemade” dildos I ever made with complete instructions so that you can make them too and start fucking yourself (or your partner) in style!
Whether you’re unable or unwilling to fork out top dollar for a store-bought dildo, or simply find yourself in a bind and need a quick fix, this is the only guide you need!
Safety precautions to consider
Before you make a dildo and start getting yourself off vaginally or anally, there are four basic safety precautions to consider.
1. Avoid any material that can shatter or break
Never use a material that can easily shatter, splinter, crack, smash, or otherwise break while it’s inside you. Always test materials thoroughly by hitting them forcefully against a hard surface before using them.
2. Avoid toxic or dirty materials
Never use any toxic or dirty materials to create a dildo as they could cause a vaginal infection or urinary tract infection (UTI). If you aren’t sure about a particular material, do some research first. Always clean every item – preferably with boiling water or steam – before using it.
3. Avoid items with sharp edges
Look for items that are as smooth as possible and watch out for sharp edges, corners, or plastic seams. Sharp areas can break through the condom and cause issues such as Vaginal Microbiota. I’ll give you tips on removing sharp seams later in this guide, so keep reading!
4. Always use a condom and lube
Condoms create a barrier between you and your dildo, helping to block harmful bacteria. When you pair a good latex or non-latex condom with a good lube, or anal lube, it also helps minimize friction.
The best household items to use as a DIY dildo
To make a beginner-sized dildo, you can try any of the following items:
- Candle
- pen
- kitchen spoon or utensil
- makeup brush
- lotion bottle
- hairbrush handle
- a toothbrush case
- markers (Sharpie)
- mascara bottles
If you want to make an intermediate or advanced-sized dildo, the following items work well:
- Larger candle
- TV remote
- hammer handle
- rake handle
- larger lotion bottle
- flashlight
- baseball bat or plastic bat
- bubble makers
- H20 blasters
- shampoo bottle (avoid ones with a pop-off cap)
- tennis racket handle
Directions: If the item you choose has any plastic seams or sharp edges, use sandpaper or a nail file to remove them first. Then sterilize the item with boiling water or steam. Cover it with a condom, apply lubricant, and then start enjoying it as a vaginal dildo or an anal dildo!
The Top 5 Do It Yourself Dildo Designs
As promised, here are my top five best dildo designs using common household items!
1. Natural delights
During my teen years, I perfected the art of making amazing vegetable or fruit dildos. Whenever I was feeling horny, and in need of a quick fix, I’d simply rummage through the fridge or kitchen cupboard until I found something I could use.
Before I continue, a few words of caution:
Never use any fruit or veg as a dildo without first covering it in a condom. The surface may still have traces of pesticides, no matter how thoroughly they have been washed, and sugar can easily lead to genital yeast infection if you use the dildo vaginally.
Don’t use anything that can easily break off or leak – avoid using things like popsicles, corn dogs, peeled bananas, or chili pickles (ouch!). The best food items for making your own dildos are smooth fruits and vegetables such as:
- carrots
- cucumbers
- bananas (unpeeled)
- zucchinis
- small eggplants (perfect for hitting the G-spot!)
- asparagus
- leeks
- corn still on the cob
- rhubarbs
Just make sure you dispose of the vegetables responsibly after use – no putting them back in the pantry!
2. The Magic Marker
One of the simplest and easiest dildo designs I ever perfected was something I call the ‘Magic Marker’. It’s essentially a marker pen wrapped in a washcloth; the marker pen provides a rigid core, and the washcloth provides a soft exterior. It’s one of the best do-it-yourself dildos you could ever ask for!
You’ll need: A marker pen (like a Sharpie), a washcloth, some duct tape, a few cotton balls, a Band-Aid, and a condom.
How to make: Fold the washcloth and wrap it around the marker pen. Use some duct tape to keep it together and put one or two cotton balls at the end, held in place with a Band-Aid. If you don’t have duct tape or a Band-Aid, you can use a couple of elastic bands. Cover everything with a condom, add some lube, and start getting some sweet relief!
My favorite thing about the Magic Marker design is that it is so versatile. Want it wider? Use a larger cloth. Want it longer? Add a second or even a third marker pen. The possibilities are endless!
3. Clone-A-Willy Kit
Growing up, I always assumed that making dildos would just be a ‘teenage thing,’ but alas, even when I met my first serious boyfriend in senior year, I still experienced the occasional penis dry spell.
My beau and I ended up going to college in different states, so we tried doing the whole long-distance thing. My first semester was dry, so I decided to order one of the famous Clone a Willy Kits for when I saw my guy again during the holidays. That way, I’d have something of his to remember him by when we couldn’t be together!
The kit turned out to be one of the best ways of creating a dildo I ever tried! With a little effort, I managed to create a perfect silicone replica of my guy’s cock, complete with a single-speed bullet vibe for some extra oomph.
The molding kit was pretty straight forward to figure out. I just mixed the putty to make a mold of his penis, waited for it to set, then mixed the silicone and poured it into the mold. I then pushed the vibrator into the silicone and waited for it to set.
The result? A gorgeous replica of his cock! It was a much-loved sex toy of mine for the rest of our relationship.
4. The Screwdriver Handle
My quest for the perfect homemade dildo led me to a surprising discovery; many common hand-held tools have handles that are blissfully phallic-shaped! My ‘Screwdriver’ dildo design came about when I was rummaging through an old tool chest and decided to re-purpose a screwdriver. The results were spectacular!
You’ll need: a screwdriver or similar hand-held tool, a nail file or some sandpaper, a washcloth, some bubble wrap (optional), a few elastic bands, a condom, and lube.
How to make: Clean the screwdriver thoroughly with steam or boiling water. Check the surface of the handle for sharp seams that may rip the condom or hurt you. I found the best way to remove plastic seams was by using either a nail file or some sandpaper.
Once the handle is silky smooth, sterilize the entire screwdriver in boiling water to remove dirt and harmful bacteria. Pat it dry and then wrap the whole thing in a washcloth held in place with a few elastic bands. Then simply cover the handle with a condom, add a dab of lube, and start getting busy!
Most screwdriver handles have lovely knobbly exteriors that are sure to delight. But one option is to wrap the handle in bubble wrap with the bubbles facing outwards. This gives it an even more exciting texture when you insert it vaginally!
Over the years, I’ve found many common household items that I can simply wrap a condom around and get busy; a rolling pin, a wooden spoon handle, and a lemon juicer, to name just a few. But, the one thing that consistently got me there, again and again, was my trusty electric toothbrush handle!
You’ll need: an electric toothbrush handle, washcloth or bubble wrap (optional), cotton balls, Band-Aid, duct tape or elastic bands (optional), condom, and lube.
How to make: Take the electric toothbrush handle and wrap the washcloth or bubble wrap around if you want more girth. Put cotton balls in the tip and secure them with a Band-Aid, then tape or hold together with an elastic band, cover with a condom, add some lube, and enjoy!
Conclusion
If you were curious about how to make a dildo, that’s about it!
Hopefully, you learned a thing or two and now have a few good pointers to get you started.
If you find something that works or want to add your own design, be sure to give me a shout-out via email, and I’ll get back to you!
