Is it better to stay together and fight for the relationship with your husband? Or is it better to end the relationship and start a new chapter?
One of the hardest decisions in life is whether to let go of someone you love or stay with them. This is logically due to conflicting feelings, thoughts, and emotions that influence your decision. Your heart says one thing and your head says another. And then we must not forget that there may be circumstances that make things even more difficult.
Perhaps…
- Are you married?
- Do you have a long history along with fantastic moments?
- Are you pregnant?
- Do you have children together?
- Is he the perfect partner for you in theory, but is he missing something you are looking for…
Whatever it may be…
One thing is certain:
The longer you wait to make the decision, the more difficult it will become.
It won’t go away if you cover it up. No, sooner or later you will have to deal with it.
And that’s what I’m going to help you with.
In this article, I’ll shed some light on the matter, and shed some clarity, so you know whether to fight for the relationship or to end it better.
Even if it means it is going to be tough. Ultimately, you make the right decision for your health and well-being.
Because no one wants to be in an unhappy relationship. Nobody deserves that.
So without further ado…
Let’s start.
But before you read on, watch this video in which I explain the Signs:
These are the 13 signs that your relationship or marriage is over:
1. You Have Given Up Hope.
Look:
If you are in a hopeless situation, it is an important characteristic that your relationship is over.
There are many things that survive a relationship.
And there are also many different reasons why things can go wrong between you.
But they can all be overcome (although this is less common for the more extreme reasons).
Consider the following scenarios:
- Cheating on one of the partners.
- A family member who dies, with one of the partners in deep mourning.
- Financial problems that make it harder for you together.
- A partner who becomes seriously ill.
- If one of you develops a psychological disorder. Think of depression or narcissism.
- A relationship where you are dealing with a bad man or a man who doesn’t want to change at all.
- A miscarriage or an aborted pregnancy.
Again: These are all situations that can be overcome.
It happens regularly, but it is difficult.
So you will have to pull out all the stops if you want your relationship to not end.
But When You Have Given Up All Hope For A Happy Ending, It Simply Cannot Be Saved.
You will have to muster all the courage and strength to fight for it. And if you no longer have that patience, you will not surface anymore. Then it’s over.
No matter how much you love each other.
Below I explain how you know he thinks the relationship is over.
2. Your Sex Life Is Dying
Do you know the difference between good friends and a couple?
It’s intimacy.
And sex is an important extension of that.
Are you still a couple? Or are you more towards camaraderie (mutual trust and friendship)?
Many doubts can arise because it is no longer quite right in the bedroom.
Sex Is Simply Very Important.
So if things aren’t going well in your bedroom, it won’t go well in your relationship either.
The question is:
What are you doing about it?
I know you’re not in the mood to show off for him in the bedroom right now, but be aware:
- A man needs sex to feel good about himself.
- Even though he pretends he doesn’t care.
- He needs to feel strong and appreciated.
- If he can’t feel that with you, it’s hard for him to value the relationship.
- Do you really want to be with someone who can’t satisfy you?
- If you know that you and your partner don’t click, you better work on it.
- Before things go wrong with someone else.
- Couples who don’t have sex at all often lose passion in the relationship.
- It could be that one of the two loses meaning
Do This To Revive Your Sex Life
- Fix the underlying problem. There are many reasons for a lack of intimacy. For example, you may both be tired after a long day of work. He could also have erectile dysfunction. Or it is something completely different. The fact remains that you have to tackle the problem at its root.
- Find out what he really wants in bed. In many cases, a slumped sex life can be tackled by trying new things.
- Take initiative. Don’t wait until he “feels like it”. Put your ego aside and don’t be afraid that it will reject you. Unexpected sex is one of the best ways to make your man happy.
- Bring back the passion.
- For example, try something like a massage course to slowly rekindle the passion. For example the Learning Massage course.
3. You Cannot Tolerate His Bad Habits
Look.
If you forgive your husband for not screwing the cap on the toothpaste, then that is only right.
And as soon as you get into a relationship, these kinds of idiosyncrasies reveal themselves.
Psychologist Michael Cunningham has studied 160 couples and found that people suppress bad habits or annoying behaviors during the dating phase. But once you are in a relationship, these eventually show up.
When you’re dating, you’re extra vigilant. As soon as there is a sense of dedication, you relax.
Maybe your husband will drive you screaming mad because he:
- Loudly chews.
- Leave his dirty socks on the floor.
- The toilet lid does not come down.
- Leaning his dirty feet on the furniture.
- Smokes.
- Becomes an asshole when he drinks.
- Snores.
- Forget important dates, such as your birthday, your anniversary, etc.
- Loud burps and ruffles.
- looking at other women
The thing is.
What he does is not the problem. It is your interpretation that gives it meaning and makes it personal.
It is easy to take any behavior personally, whether it was conscious or unconscious; accidental or considered. You are quick to make the fallacy assuming that he doesn’t care about you or prioritize you because he “wouldn’t do [the annoying behavior] if he really loved me.”
But it is not that simple.
To be honest, he does these things thoughtlessly, unconsciously, and is said to have learned them during his early childhood. This type of behavior is deeply rooted in us. And if I haven’t mentioned it before, let me do it now. Chances are he didn’t even cross his mind that his behavior is disturbing you.
That being said…
Bad habits are not written in stone and can be addressed. We can get better than we were yesterday. However, it takes patience, time, and hard work.
How To Deal With ‘Bad Habits’
Ask yourself the following
Is it really the end of the world?
What if you end relationships because of this and you never see him again? Or what if he suddenly develops cancer and dies?
What would you give to have him near you just to hear his loud snores or find his dirty socks on the floor?
Accept that no one is perfect and reframe the situation by looking at it from a different perspective.
- He puts his feet on furniture -> it’s nice to know he’s safe at home and not on a pub crawl with his friends.
- He forgets important dates -> he is loving and caring in many other ways.
- He is messy and throws his dirty clothes on the floor -> it is nice that he helps me with the dishes and other household tasks.
- He looks at other women -> it is nice to know that my husband – surrounded by all these women – knows how to control himself and is loyal to me.
Here is a roadmap you can use to change his ways:
- Raise it lovingly and respectfully. If you haven’t mentioned it before, do so so he has a chance to fix the problem.
- Ask him if you have any nasty habits too. That way you can work together as a team on your personal habits by supporting each other. With this plan of action, you do not portray yourself as “the perfect partner” who is “better than him” and without shortcomings. Instead, it now becomes a goal that you both pursue out of love for each other.
So before you dump him because your husband walks around the house in his underwear….
Have patience and give it time.
Where do you draw the line?
If you have completed the step-by-step plan and:
- He is unwilling or unable to change
- If you are unable to be at peace with his unwillingness or inability to change
… Then it is probably better for you to find a partner that you do not have these problems with. He can find someone who doesn’t mind his bad behavior. And you can find someone who doesn’t have these bad habits.
But beware: everyone has flaws. And normally you only get to see it when you are already in a relationship.
4. You Are Not Doing Nice Things Anymore
If …
- You do nothing more than stay at home and watch Netflix all day long.
- You don’t go on dates anymore.
- You no longer do nice things as a couple.
Then that is a clear sign that your relationship is in danger.
Why?
Because as a couple you connect by experiencing experiences together and creating memories.
This is how you form a strong bond with someone.
- Whether it’s from an hour-long pillow fight in the bedroom.
- Or going to a petting zoo together.
- Or take a city trip together.
If you stop doing these things in your relationship, these new experiences are the first thing you will reintroduce.
However, if your attempts fail and your partner declines all of your proposals, this is a very clear sign that your relationship is not going to last.
5. You Don’t Take Any More Initiative Because He Doesn’t Feel Like It Anyway
A good relationship is reciprocal. One time you propose something, he the other time. Or he always suggests things, but you like them too. with the result that you are both satisfied.
But if you want to do things all the time and he doesn’t feel like doing it, your interests collide.
Chances are that your relationship will not last because of this.
Simply because you can no longer form the unity you once were.
After all, there is nothing more frustrating than asking your partner about something and being told that he doesn’t feel like it.
It doesn’t matter what the reason is.
If it happens too often and you spend too little time together, it is good to ask yourself if you want to stay with this man for the rest of your life.
Especially if you don’t care anymore because you feel like he’s wiping every idea off the table.
6. You No Longer See Him As The Father Of Your Children
Imagine fantasizing about your family life for the next twenty years.
Does this include children?
And if so, do you think your husband would be a good father?
As soon as you get the feeling that making babies with your husband isn’t such a good idea, after all, you know it’s going in the wrong direction.
Because a desire to have children, and that you are aligned, is extremely important.
Does this wish collide?
You may not want kids running through your house right now, but most people eventually do.
If your husband doesn’t want to participate in this, or you simply don’t want him as the father, then you can still love him so much …
… You will have to say goodbye to him.
At the end of the day, it is more beneficial to keep the possibility of children open as well, instead of being with a man you wouldn’t want to.
7. You Can’t Imagine Getting Old Together
This one has a lot to do with the previous one.
Are you dating a guy you think is OK, but you know you don’t want to grow old with him …
… Then dump him. Now.
Look.
I don’t expect you to know this after two dates. The same goes for your desire to have children.
But it is important to take it into account and to consider what you want in life.
Why It’s Dangerous To Stick With Someone You Don’t Want To Grow Old With.
Young women in particular tend to have relationships with men who are not really ‘relationship material’.
These kinds of men are exciting. They are probably good in bed too. Or they are better than “having no boyfriend at all”.
But being in a relationship with someone for fun, sex, or simply to not be alone is never a good idea if you really want nothing more than a meaningful, long-term relationship.
- You will likely become emotionally attached to him, which will make it increasingly difficult to let go.
- Since you are with him, you are not open to the right man. The longer you are unavailable, the more likely you are to miss out on the man who is perfect for you.
If you’re not sitting yourself getting old with him, then it is better to end it now. Your relationship will sooner or later go to the philistines anyway. Then don’t sabotage yourself (and your chances of finding the right man) by staying in this relationship longer than necessary.
8. You Don’t Trust Him Anymore
Suppose your husband cheated on you. Or you were guilty of it.
Or he lied to you for other reasons.
There are plenty of circumstances in which this can be rectified.
You can never take away what happened, but there are ways to learn to trust each other again.
Even people whose partners have had a long-term affair can restore trust in their relationship.
But this does not always work.
In Some Cases, Trust Just Doesn’t Come Back.
The relationship will no longer be the way it was. Not through adultery, but because trust has been damaged.
I definitely recommend you try it.
But if you can nevertheless find a way to trust him again, at some point your relationship will fail, and it’s better to let this happen sooner rather than later.
This is also closely related to the following Sign.
9. You Cannot Forgive Him
Suppose he did something that was unbelievably bad.
Or it was pretty bad, but you’re just very sensitive to this in particular. Then you are supposed to forgive him.
Because if you don’t, it means that the relationship will end prematurely.
When Scientists Look At What Makes A Relationship Healthy, It Turns Out Time And Again That Forgiveness Plays A Major Role.
It ensures that people get through the bumps that come with a relationship.
It doesn’t matter how many bears you see on the road, as long as you have a shortcut to avoid them.
Forgiveness is one of those shortcuts.
I know it is difficult.
Especially if he did something really stupid, you may have no idea if you should forgive him – or if you want to.
No problem.
Maybe you are ready to break up.
But if you find that you don’t want to leave your husband despite the unpleasant circumstance, then you will have to learn to forgive.
And Of Course, This Also Applies The Other Way Around, As With All Points.
Suppose you had a sexual relationship with your boss without your partner knowing … He later knows it, and he still has not found a way after half a year to forgive you.
In that case, too, your relationship is nearing the end.
10. You Are No Longer Doing Nice Things For Each Other
Yes, there are more signs that predict whether your relationship will last or not.
An important one is whether you still do nice things for each other.
This is not about hotel stays, holidays or giving each other new cars as gifts, but about the little things.
For example:
- Can you get him a nice cup of coffee when he gets home from work?
- Does he occasionally bring you a bunch of flowers?
- Does he give you a present now and then, just for nothing?
- Do you surprise him now and then with something sweet, such as breakfast in bed?
These kinds of sweet gestures ensure that the other person knows that you appreciate them.
They show that you really like him.
Doing nice things systematically keeps your partner from forgetting that you love them.
That thoughtfulness back and forth keeps your partner feeling good about you and the relationship.
So if you notice that both of you are no longer doing these kinds of sweet things for each other, and you don’t see any improvement after some attempts, then this is a very clear sign that your marriage or your relationship is over.
11. You Dream About Being Single
- Are you in a relationship that is not going well?
- And do you notice that things are increasingly going in the wrong direction?
Then it wouldn’t surprise me if you start dreaming more and more of a single life.
What those dreams look like differs from person to person.
But it’s not a good sign when you stop dreaming of being with your partner and instead fantasize about life without him.
12. You Are Bored
Whether it is because your partner has become boring, or because you have little in common anymore …
… Boredom is one of the most obvious signs that your relationship is going to end.
Because no matter how much you love someone, people need new incentives.
And if they do not come from the relationship, then from outside.
So you look for those outside stimuli. Usually, it is better to end the relationship before you start hurting your partner.
13. You Are Looking For A Fight
This is something I know about my male coaching clients.
When they are dealing with a woman who does not want to continue, but who does not dare to break up, arguments often arise.
That is because the woman actually wants to get out of it, but does not dare to take the step.
She tends to make it as uncomfortable as possible for him and looks for a way to scare him off.
Ask yourself:
- So do you notice that you are starting to argue, and you don’t mind at all?
- Do you notice that the arguments are actually about nothing?
- And that it is more arguing than arguing itself?
Then you know it’s time to end it. Now you know roughly how you are doing if you are currently insecure about your relationship.
And if things aren’t going well, the first question you should always ask yourself is:
Do I want to fight this battle?
If so, go for it.
If you don’t want or can’t do this, break it up. You are the only one who can make this choice.
But if I can give you one more piece of advice: “Always Choose Your Own Happiness.”
